Heather Norwood's Page

There is a form of child abuse out there that is hard to detect and hard to get help for. It's call Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and many in the US and abroad are affected by it. I am one of the many that are affected by this mental disorder.

A description of PAS: "The parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent." (Excerpted from: Gardner, R.A. (1998). The Parental Alienation Syndrome, Second Edition, Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics, Inc.)

After leaving an emotionally abusive relationship by filing for divorce, I thought that things would get better and I could pick up and move on with my life. Sure the 2 children that we had together could still gain from the mishaps of our union by having both parents to be able to focus on the children. 5 years have gone by and things have only gotten worse.
My 15 year old son, who was once my sweet little buddy, has gone from Mommy’s boy to disowning me altogether. I have not seen my son since March 1, 2007. He will not contact me via phone, email, or even if I see him on the street. He avoids me at my daughter’s school functions. He threatened to quit his freshman football team if I went to another one of his games. He will not see my family either. He was very close to my mother and brother as well and blames them for siding with me. He claims that I’m abusive, that all I do is yell, and that my house is dirty and he will never step foot in it again.

My 10 year old daughter was always daddy’s little girl, but now she is living full time in a state of confusion. They pushed her away all summer long last year, stating that she upset their family structure (step-mom, 2 step sisters, brother, and dad). She missed them very much and when she was there would tell lies about me and how we live when she would be allowed to see them.

Their dad tried to take the kids from me through an ex parte order a few years back. He gave a list 2 pages long with infractions, abuse, and things he alleged were not legal. The judge read over his list of complaints and signed an order removing the children from my home at 4:55 on a Friday afternoon. I had to wait 10 days to appeal the decision in order to get our children back home with me. In front of the judge I proved that everything on his list were lies or fabrications of the truth.

There are pages and pages of police reports and court documents that have lead to no where with this disorder. The judge we have tries to be fair, but when he hears the words parental alienation he clams up. The police will not enforce the judgments saying it’s a civil matter and needs to be brought up in court or through lawyers. Even if there is a court document stating that I have the right to see my son, no one will enforce the ruling. There is one loop hole after another that my ex has found legally to keep my son from me.

My daughter was next...CPS came to my home 2 days after Christmas with yet another list of allegations. I let the social worker (Julie Shafer) into my home. She listed off some of the allegations and stated she needed to see my home - that that was part of the complaint. I was in the process of remodeling my main floor bathroom - she found fault with that. Clothes (folded) from Christmas presents were on the kitchen counter waiting to be washed and put away. Dishes from popcorn and movie night were in the sink. There were cable wires coming into a converter jack in my basement hanging down from the ceiling in the utility room that she stated she'd need to call in an inspector. At that point, I asked to speak to my lawyer before she continued her investigation. Ms. Shafer asked me several times to verify this by asking me if I really wanted her to leave. I agreed and walked her to the door. As soon as she was outside, she handed me her business card with writing on the back - stating what time I would have to be to court for the hearing to remove my daughter from my home. She then proceeded to hand me a second business card with writing already made out again - stating that I had to be drug tested by 4:30 that same afternoon.

I'm still fighting for my daughter...my lawyer (Richard Reider) talked me into giving custody of my daughter up so we could fight in a court without having hearsay admissable as a way of testifying. I agreed to this believing that when my 90 days of no contact with my daughter was up and the reunification process started, I would be able to fight for full custody of my daughter in a fair court setting. (I've since then fired him.) I still have a long way to go. Starting over with obtaining parenting time so I can hopefully see my children again and build a healthy relationship with them.

I am just one of many many families that are affected by PAS. I was hoping that by telling a tiny fragment of my experiences that you would be able to use my story in your search and educate - so that PAS stories get out there that this is a real issue and it is abusing many of our children.