What to do if your spouse denies a court order visitation period?

[Brad Howe]

Specifically, this is a holiday period, veterans day. She has told me she made plans, and I won't get my custody. The court order states "equally share the holidays one half each"

I need advice.

BH

[FAIR RULINGS]

"Equally share the holidays one half each" sounds like a recipe for disaster... I like to see an order well defined to include and list ALL holiday periods including but not limited to pick up and delivery of the child(ren). Having a well defined order leaves little room for error. Often I see orders that are less than desirable and litigants lock horns over the verbiage while the attorney's sit counting their money.

I encourage parents to get along the best they can... Try to communicate and compromise. I'd create a request or notification in writing in advance so that she would know my intention's. She might be willing to trade time with you... I know this holiday is upon us, but it might be a good idea for the two of you to reformulate how your holiday's visits will take place in the future. Sorry I can't be of more help...

[Brad Howe]

I agree its a disaster. Here's the thing about that... I remember the Judge distinctly ordering alternating holidays. How the attorney changed it and the judge signed it is beyond me. I do have to live with it though.

I have sent her emails on the issue, she just refuses to acknowledge them. I have no doubt, she will do the same to USPS. I guarantee she wont exchange time because she doesn't want me involved in the child's life at all. She is fighting every holiday.

BH

[FAIR RULINGS]

Other things you might consider if she is being venomous towards you is to create polite letters making requests for clear definition of the visitation dates and times... I'd send the letters priority mail with delivery confirmation so that she wont have to sign for them yet it gives you confirmation that the letter was delivered and isn't too threatening

Write the confirmation number just below your letter head in small font and write professionally as if you're involved in a business deal over nuclear arms, it's sad you have to do this but it's best to demonstrate your professionalism and love for the child.

There are also third party mediators that you might suggest you both go to in order to broker an agreement outside of the courts... Write a letter to this effect.

You'll soon find that you've accumulated a few letters and possibly some returned letters and/or responses. All of this leads to documentation that you are not being allowed equitable time with your little cutie pie and can lead to the filing of a modification or being able to create a non-threatening motion allowing you to ascertain what is compulsory to the both of you without having to acquiesce your existing order. Make sense?

[Brad Howe]

It does make sense. Let me clarify, this is a temporary order. I did suggest mediation way before ever filing for custody. I did not want to go through the courts, but she took the child and denied me all contact leaving me no choice but to file. We are now waiting for court ordered mediation. I have little hope for this as she has no incentive for bargaining as she already has the order for minimum visitation that she wanted. I am confident she will not budge on this.

Again, I've sent numerous emails, some with responses, some without. I will try the paper method though. Should I go through her attorney?

BH

[FAIR RULINGS]

I don't see any reason to go through her attorney although the attorney might send you a nasty letter... That's the way they make their money. You can also create your own order and request she sign it prior or modify it prior to mediation. If she refuses you can also take it to mediation and show it as your suggested parenting plan.

[Brad Howe]

Thanks Fair, but sadly, did the parenting plan thing before filing for custody, she wouldn't even negotiate that. She just doesn't want me to see our child period. I talked to her tonight about tomorrow, and now she wants Thanksgiving to herself as well. I'm being phased out.

Now, I've got a show cause hearing December the 11th, so she will most likely have all the christmas holidays, including my childs second birthday.

BH

BH