I Think I Am Unravelling..

[QuickSilver]

My Wife and I have 4 children. Ages 14, 12, 10 and 5.

We are into day 45 of our separation and we have both filed for divorce.

She has decided that the children are better of not been able to speak or email me.

I am starting to think that maybe I should just give up on seeing my children becasue I think they are not making enough efforts on their own to make contact with me.

Subconsciously I suspect these line of thought is crazy and they are just kids and are at the mercy of a master level manipulator.

I would never in a million years have thought my ex would use our children as a bargaining piece.

[Brad Howe]

QS,

Don't give up on your children. They need you and are counting on you to educate them in how to succeed in life. Keep in mind they are stuck in the middle of all this mess and are confused and hurt as much as both of their parents. The children might just be uncertain how to behave or don't want to appear like they are choosing sides. I would try to talk to them without your wife present and ask them how they feel. You might be surprised by the answer you get.

BH

[stuart showalter]

You keep on trying to contact them and let them know that you care. They need to know that you are divorcing your wife not them.

[QuickSilver]

I keep calling but she never answers her cellphone and the alleged house phone. I even registered a domain name with my last name but she doesn't let them send email.

[Brad Howe]

Log all these attempted contacts and the lack of response, it will come in handy later!

BH

[QuickSilver]

Thanks Brad, I am logging them.

[DeeDee O'Callaghan]

I've gone on the cellphone company website and actually downloaded the call list to prove that I made attempts. My ex likes to make it look like I have done nothing to contact my son but I have learned to document, document, document! Crazy!

[FAIR RULINGS]

• Create a time line of events
• Read your local and state rules of court
• Read your court forms to know what can be filed
• Request your case history from the court clerk
• Request and pay for all audio and or stenographer typed transcripts/court reports
• Write short polite loving letters to your children
• Formulate a visitation document that is equitable to both of you
• Be reasonable in what you request

The document should be mailed to your "ex" hopefully as a peace offering and in the best interest of the children, in an attempt to get the case out of the courts and a precursor to mediation. Be calm and do not show emotion...

Do your best not to create or cause an acrimonious situation.

~See attached for ideas~

[Brad Howe]

QuickSilver, I would have to agree with this. They bias's in court are well known. ANYTHING you can do to reach an agreement and stay away from a judge is in your best interest.

BH

[QuickSilver]

Thanks Guys, I am rethinking my strategy and against my personal interest playing nice with my ex.

[Brad Howe]

Joint custody is still my long-term goal (6-12m).

My even longer term goal if the short term goal fails (5-18y), is to hold the state responsible for any problems that develop with the child due to denial of my rights to parent my child. This would include social disorders, ADS, teenage pregnancy, suicide, drug abuse, crime, prostitution, etc.

BH

[QuickSilver]

"hold the state responsible for any problems that develop"

It's sad that as parents we have to fall back on that but can we do?

Now I recently found out from the new phone bill ($550) that she (40 year old) has been texting and calling a 19 year old Girl all hours of the day including 1AM, 3AM - about 290 text messages and 129 phone calls. The kind of influence/effect that will have on my 2 young Daughters (12 and 10) is part of why I need to go seek counseling for myself next week.

I took marriage and having kids too carelessly and was just automatic. I wish now in retrospect that I had paid more attention to what I was getting into and doing. But then even adults from alleged best families, royal or otherwise still have divorces. So who knows.

I take solace in that I am not alone and others have survived worse it seems.

The reason that I cannot be aggressive in my approach to seeing our children (see I am learning the proper way to speak in court) is that I am at 45 days of a 61 day epo. How they got away with that still befuddles my Attorney and me.

Even with the standing order from the court stating that no devaluation of property, sales of community or personal property, no movement of children from our specific home be done, she has been having garage sales every weekend, sold my jewelry to a pawn shop and moved the children to a section 8 apartment.

But I can replace all the material stuff, it's the time that I am missing with the kids that is killing me.

I want to thank you Guys and the site owner for providing this outlet to vent amongst others that understand our plight.

[Brad Howe]

QS, My wife took an ex parte order out on me as well. I managed to get it dismissed due to false accusations. In my opinion, taking ones child away is a form of domestic violence. We, as fathers/husbands need to unite on this front. Ask your attorney if you can appeal your decision.

I know it sounds harsh, but suspend her cell phone. You usually will only be liable for tens of dollars each month until the contract is fulfilled. Call your provider for details on this.

I have the same problem. I can't see my children outside of the court ordered times even though the order states "reasonable visitation as agreed". My spouse refuses to agree to anything other than the dictated times. I have no say as to her daycare, schooling religion, or most importantly her activities and parenting time. This needs to change.

Bh