Don't know where else to turn...

[Dee]

I know this isn't what the group is for, but I honestly don't know where else to turn at this point and I am quickly running out of time, so I am hoping that someone here might be able to offer me some direction, insight, or advice.

I was finally served my divorce papers on February 3rd, which state that I have 21 days to file an answer, however none of the things we agreed to are written into them. I did contact the ex and ask him why, to which he more or less stated that he doesn't think I should be entitled to anything, and I obviously disagree for numerous reasons. I told him that I would contest the divorce before I ever even got the papers if the things we agreed to weren't in there, but he seems to think I was bluffing and is now trying to back me into a corner by saying that he will stick to our agreement, but only if I agree to not contest because he "doesn't want any of it in the divorce papers". Of course I do not like this idea as he has changed his mind many many times since I left him back in December, so I want to make sure that there is something in writing, but he's being extremely uncooperative.

In the past few weeks I've talked to several people who say I have rights and some who say that I do not due to the fact that it was a "short marriage" (we married September 2006 and I left December 2008), which is true I haven't the slightest clue and talking to a lawyer at this point doesn't look promising due to other conflicts at home with my parents and my inability to drive myself anywhere.

I have visited several forums on-line regarding divorce, Michigan laws,etc., but have returned just about the same results as far as information goes. So I thought I would turn to everyone here to see if maybe someone here could offer me some advice and/or assistance.

With that being said, does anyone know any of the following...

1) What are my rights and how can I go about finding out what they are if I can not speak with a lawyer?

2) Where can I find information on preparing an Answer to a complaint for Divorce, and can I add information to the Answer which was not mentioned in the complaint itself?

Lastly, does anyone know where I might be able to find some kind of template for my Answer, as well as a template or instructions on how to write up a Property Agreement?

THANK YOU in advance to all those who reply, I REALLY APPRECIATE any and ALL advice that I can get at this point!!

~Dee~

[FAIR RULINGS]

(1) In regard to your rights... Look up your local and state rules of court; know your legal statutes. Read through the forms you can file in a divorce situation so that you become familiar with what can be filed. You can request free consultations from legal counsel if need be or you may be able to find counsel who may work on a sliding scale or limited scope.

(2) You can prepare an answer in a similar way to how a motion is written. I think I've already provided you with a motion previously or a Judgment. Rewrite this Judgment, calling it an "Answer to Complaint" or similar. Number each one of your points... Include any applicable authorities... add exhibits to back up your statements... Use some sort of a proof of service and serve it upon all parties involved herein the case.

(3) I believe anything regarding a property agreement will be written to form and this might be in your list of state forms. It may also be necessary to complete an income and expense declaration.

In the past when I was going through the pro se/per learning process, I would hit the law libraries, taking money for copies. I would also look up legal cases and review them, if there was something of interest I would copy it.

Sometimes, I encourage people to stay out of the courts completely especially if you don't have children together. You can end up spending $5,000.00 to get $100.00 it's just not worth the pain and suffering for the cash cow syndrome. Then attorney's and Judicial officers embellish or falsify documents and turn you against each other so they may profit as well as third party collaterals such as evaluators. The next thing I see are couples pointing the finger at each other claiming they are the targeted parent and it's all their "ex's" fault and they are going to fight like hell and win. Then of course comes the Ph.D's and attorneys who wish to sell you self-help books for inflated profit, but they care about you... And the more books you can sell the more they care.

Hope this helps a little, I know it's not much. I'm only a lonely Kave neomorph banging on a hollow log with an old dinosaur bone I've found laying around. Maybe there's better advice to my flatuence so I hope you continue to ask questions and I wish you my best.

[Richard]

You didn't provide any info on your situation or what rights you are referring to. I don't know MI law, but in FL you are entitled to 1/2 of whatever you accumulated during the marriage, and any co-mingled funds. Co-mingled would be funds from before the marriage that were put into a joint account during the marriage. For example, if he owned a home and you moved in, you would not be entitled to part of the home EXCEPT possibly any increase in value. Your rights will be in Michigan's divorce statute. Many attorney's will give you a free consult and you can learn what your rights are for free. Of course, don't tell them you are going to represent yourself.

The complaint and answer are fairly simple concepts if you think about it as two children fighting, and the parent is the judge. One child "complains" to you what's wrong between him and the other child. He makes statements he wants you to believe (they may or may not be true). The other child then "answers" to each of the first child's statements as to whats correct and what's in dispute. Where both children agree, you take it as truth and don't even care if it's accurate, your concern is deciding on the disputed issues to settle the disagreement. He may also state various defenses like, I took the ball from him but only because I had it first (called an "affirmative defense" because you admit something but state why you were right in what you did).

You can google "answer divorce complaint michigan" for samples / forms. Much of the answer will be "Admitted", "Denied", or "Denied due to insufficient information". Generally, you deny everything unless you know it to be ABSOLUTELY true. If there is any doubt use the "denied due to insufficient information" reply. This is the part that helps the judge to sort out what issues are in dispute. When you reply in the admit/deny section, your paragraphs should either be numbered the same as the complaint, or specifically say what numbered paragraph you are referring to in the complaint. Then there are the affirmative defenses, followed by a closing statement asking for what you want (usually starting with "WHEREFORE...")

Good luck.

Richard

[FAIR RULINGS]

The Complaint for Divorce is the initial document filed with the Michigan court. It is in this document that the filing spouse will request the court to terminate the marriage under certain specified grounds.

The court shall grant a divorce upon mutual consent or upon an allegation that there has been a breakdown of the marriage relationship to the extent that the objects of matrimony have been destroyed and there remains no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved. In the complaint for divorce, the plaintiff does not need to make any other explanation of the grounds for divorce other than using the statutory language. (Michigan Compiled Laws - Section: 552.6)

Every divorce case that is filed in the state of Michigan must declare the grounds in which the divorce is to be granted. The grounds for divorce must be substantiated with evidence or testimony otherwise the court may dismiss the case. When you are petitioning the court for a divorce, or agreeing to a divorce, make sure that you completely understand the grounds and any potential legal repercussions.

[FAIR RULINGS]

http://www.legislature.mi.gov/(S(we45tnvbiub4djr3jc3xw545))/mileg.aspx?page=getobject&objectname=mcl-chap552

[Dee]

WOW... thank you all for your comments, I REALLY appreciate all the input, and here's the low down on what has come about since this post...

This morning I met with a lawyer to see what rights I had, which as it turns out aren't many.

According to the lawyer, the only way I can keep health insurance is to take COBRA, which would be at my expense, and is upward of $500+ a month. She suggested applying through the state for their coverage, which is what I will end up having to do because I have no other choice at this point. As far as dental and optical, I'm more or less screwed.

IF a judge grants me half of anything it would be his retirement, and only for the two+ years we were married, during which time he cashed out the entire account. So that also leaves me with nothing.

As far as acquired property goes, there really wasn't any despite the fact that he was bringing home a minimum of $450 a week. He bought a new truck for himself the middle of last year, and his parents paid off the home we were living in (a single wide mobile home which was literally falling apart) due to the fact that even with all the money he had, he wouldn't spend it on anything but himself and it would take shut-off notices and eviction notices to get him to pay bills. So again, nothing there. Unless of course I want to ask for half of his fishing equipment, which he had TONS of money tied up in.

In the end the lawyer said all I could really do is put into my answer the things that he had previously agreed to, then contact him and see if he would again agree to it without going to court, which I told her I knew already that he wouldn't because he considers the last two years of our marriage as my getting a "free ride". In fact, at one point he said if I did try to contest the divorce, he would ask the court to hold me responsible for half of ALL bills incurred during our marriage even though HE told me to quit my job. But again the lawyer said to try it. Otherwise she said since I am experienced in drafting legal documents I should save myself the $500 retainer fee and prepare and file the paperwork myself.


So... I got home, jumped on my PC, and immediately started preparing my Answer (luckily I had a template I forgot about from doing HIS court crap regarding his kids). So I did the usual "Defendants answer to paragraph one (1), admits same" until I got to the part where he said that the marital property had been divided and "respectfully stated" that he agreed to pay the total sum of my legal secretary course tuition and certification fees (which was only taken so that I could do his legal paperwork for him and he wouldn't have to continue hiring lawyers to do so). I also added in several other things he had agreed to when I left and I contacted him via email to let him know (as the lawyer told me today that I should).

As I figured, he said no, that the ONLY way he would agree to pay the things I had mentioned was if they were NOT in the Answer because he doesn't want it in the order. My thoughts... tough $hit because his mind has changed with the wind lately.

In the meantime, I'm going to finish preparing my answer this weekend and I am submitting it to the court first thing Monday morning. Then I'm going to go downstairs and see about getting a PPO against him because I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, plus I'm tired of the rude and harassing phone calls and emails nonstop.

The funny thing, to me at least, is when he called me yesterday whining about how his ex (the BM to his daughters) took him back to court for more support and his horrible new judge granted it, for a whole whopping $25 a week extra (*eye-rolling*). The funny part, he had the audacity to ask ME for help with his court crap, but I'm pretty sure my busting out in hysteric laughter got the point across. LOL!

So again, so much for being civil because if he can't be civil toward his own children, he sure can't be toward me. I'm only sorry now that I EVER got his visitations back because that is all he used me for.

[Dee]

Thank you Susan and I know you are right. Some days I almost feel guilty because it doesn't even hurt anymore. I really honestly believe that this was his intentions from the beginning, I was just too close to the situation to see it at the time. But now that I have seen his true colors, he has made it all that much easier to walk away and never look back. I'm just sorry that I didn't see it sooner because I could have been helping someone else who truly wanted the help and appreciated it.

On the bright side of things, we didn't have children together (thank god), I learned a valuable lesson, and met some really great people along the way. ;-) So all is not lost! :-D

Thanks again, keep in touch, and take care!

~Dee~

[FAIR RULINGS]

You really are a tornado... A true fisherman doesn't throw away his best catch.

[Dee]

ROFLMAO... you remind me so much of myself with your quirky statements, but that one just takes the cake. I love it! lol

Thanks for always knowing how to make me smile!! :-D

~Dee~

[Dee]

Thanks Susan, that really means a lot to me.

I'm actually in the process of trying to come up with some ideas because there are no jobs right now, and I'm to the point where I need something like yesterday! I mean, I love helping in any way that I can, but I wish there was a way I could use what I've learned to make a little money and help at people at the same time. I was even thinking about looking into drafting documents for people for a small fee because I could easily do it for a fraction of what it would cost a lawyer, but then I run into the whole "dispensing legal advice without a license" issue. I've even been told my many people lately that I would make a good lawyer, but I not only don't have the resources, I don't think I have the heart.

But we will see what happens. I'm going to keep telling myself that this is all for a reason, at least until I believe it. LOL! But you're completely right, God does work in mysterious ways so who knows. Like they say, one day at a time. :-D

~Dee~

[Dee]

Well I submitted my Answer to the court on Monday morning and mailed the ex his copy, so its a matter of hurry and wait at this point.

But I do check up on the court docket several times a day just so I can stay abreast of what's going on, and this morning I found that there were three entries dated for yesterday which read as follows…

STATUS CONFERENCE SCHEDULED Event: STATUS CONFERENCE Date: 04/28/2009 Time: 9:00 am Judge: FOSTER, JOHN C Location: COURTROOM SW - 4TH FLOOR

DISCOVERY/SCHEDULING ORDER ISSUED (N) DISCOVERY ORDER DOMESTIC Sent on: 02/24/2009 12:53:50

TRIAL PROCEDURE ORDER - DOMESTIC CASES

So the first thing I noticed was the fact that there’s a “Status Conference” scheduled for 04/28/2009, which tells me this isn’t going to be over and done with anytime soon. But I’m not really sure what a “Status Conference” is to tell you the truth and I wasn’t able to find anything about it on the Circuit court website either. My guess is it is just an order telling us to meet with one another, and hopefully a third person, to see if we can come to an agreement.

The second thing I noticed was that there was a Discovery/Scheduling Order issued, which I assume is to notify us of the above mentioned conference. But I don’t know what the “Discovery” part is all about, even though I know what discovery is, I fail to see what it is that they’re requesting “facts” on considering I included the necessary documents (or at least what I had on hand) as exhibits in my Answer.

Lastly, as far as the “Trial Procedure Order”, I’m at a loss as to what that means as well, so I assume at this point that we’re just being brought in for the conference to see if he and I can come to an agreement without having to go in front of a judge, but who knows.

If anyone else has been through this process and can tell me how far off I am on my assumptions, that would be great as I just like having an idea of what to expect so I know how to prepare without there being any surprises.

Thanks in advance to those who reply, and as always, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!

~Dee~

[FAIR RULINGS]

A status conference should go over your financials that each of you contributed to the marriage. Don't read to much into it... during a mediation/conference all kinds of things may occur. People may try to tell you this and that but when it comes down to it you have what you have and he has what he has.

They're simply taking a look at your assets. Michigan has a no fault divorce and I believe in your case it will be simple since there are no children involved and I believe no great assets unless I'm mistaken.

In my opinion in cases like this it's best to create and approach the "ex" with a settlement offer that is realistic... It's usually not worth the fight, unless you have serious money invested between the two of you. Put emotions aside, part the red sea and move forward... It could cost you much more in the long run.

[Dee]

All I know is that I'm not signing off on anything at this point until he agrees to fulfill the obligations he agreed to, or until the court orders him to do so because I'm really quite upset by how he has been handling this whole thing.

The sad part is that everything I asked for could be paid off with two weeks of his pay, but because he didn't get his way from the word go, he's trying to back out. But all I asked for to begin with was for him to,

1. Pay off the course tuition since he was the only reason I was taking it to begin with and I spent over a year preparing his court documents. The account is now overdue and at risk of going to collections, so I could very well loose all my work when the course is complete, just not paid off. ($672)

2. Pay for reinstatement of my license since he told me throughout the marriage he would do so (from the time he had me quit my job), but now he is saying he wont since I lost it prior to our knowing one another. ($300)

3. Split the tax return 50/50 because we were married the entire year and he is claiming me as a Dependant. (Amount unknown)

4. He also agreed to pay medical bills which were incurred just prior to our getting married from a doctor HE had me go to, who was talking to him behind my back. Instead of treating what I asked for, she (the doctor) tested for STD's because he asked her to behind my back even though she was in clear violation of HIPPA laws for discussing it with him to begin with. ($247)

5. Lastly, to return personal belongings which remain in the marital home due to the fact that he would only "allow" me to take certain items and has since changed the locks.

But as far as emotions go, I've actually been doing quite well. Probably better than everyone expected, even myself just simply because I'm not under the constant stress of being there in that house with him, listening to his constant whining about his kids, their mom, etc. But at least I know they're not the only ones he won't take any responsibility for because according to him, I've brought all this on myself and he was the picture of perfection *eye-roll*.

Anyway, I spent a good part of yesterday printing off all the emails we've exchanged because he kept trying to force me in a corner by saying he agreed to the above, but ONLY if I didn't contest. So when I got the complaint and none of these things were in it, his head about exploded when I contested because I've seen enough of how he is where his kids are concerned and being scared to death he might have to pay for something for them, so I'm making sure our agreement is in writing, period. That is the only thing that has him bent out of shape right now even though I am entitled to half of everything acquired during those two plus years, all I'm going after is what I feel is rightfully owed to me.

So it should prove to be interesting in the very least. LOL! In fact, I am watching out my window for him as we speak because he said he was going to come over today with the police to get his boat. Unfortunately I didn't and don't feel comfortable with that so I followed the advice of my lawyer and plan on telling the police when they do get here that I am not going to release it due to there being a pending divorce and no property agreement. In fact, I went out a few weeks ago and chained it up because that junk boat was more precious to him than his own kids, so it should prove to be really interesting! LOL!

We will see and I will keep you all posted.

THANKS AGAIN for all the replies, I REALLY appreciate it!!

~Dee~