Need HELP - X is using my son as a pawn

[stuart showalter]

Hello all.

My son Therin is currently age 11. In May the X filed a notice of intent to relocate and now it is coming down to a hearing soon. She recently filed a motion to vacate the court's restraining order barring her from relocating my son prior to the hearing. In that she included a letter written by my son. It begins;
"When it comes to the case of my relocation and the custodial change, I want to move to Kansas City, Missouri and continue living with my mom."
He states, "Also, my father has claimed that my mother has kept me from him at times. This is completely and totally false."
However, he is aware of the times that we made plans for summer vacation and spring break in which I arrived at her house and she said I can't take him. He is also aware of other times she has impeded visitation. Since then I have been given three extra weeks per summer. She was threatened with jail time.
When I confronted him about this he said that she showed him the pleadings I had filed. Prior to that the only thing he was aware of was that she was planning to move. When I asked how could he call me a liar he finally admitted that she made him write the letter.
Later when we were discussing the pros and cons of the anticipated move he started crying and said I don't want to have to choose which of you I live with.
She has asked for an in-camera interview so Therin can say where he wants to live.
Considering how intelligent and mature he is I still believe that he should not be part of the process of choosing. Knowing the type of abuse he has suffered by her and other things she has done I do not feel will benefit him. I have had to substantiate my claims to him so I can regain his trust. I think her telling him I am a liar and exposing him to all of this is damaging to him. She has now created a situation where she is telling him I am a liar, showing him what the accusations are and I have to show him the proof. He does not need to know all of that or be used to make false allegations against me.
I need assistance I finding documentation specific to this matter to present in a motion opposing the in-camera interview. I also want to demonstrate that her doing this is harming him.
Finally, I need suggestions on what to do for him in the way of an advocate. The GAL/CASA here is biased against men. This is documented in her own words. I have not heard back from the mental health association (no surprise) and I have little trust in CPS.
Here is the Motion for RTSC for failure to facilitate visitation.
http://www.boonecountyfathers.org/images/RTSC.pdf
It demonstrates some of what she has done.

Thank you.

[Dee]

First, I could have guessed from the wording alone that the quotes came from an adult and not that of a child, so I don't know who she thinks she is fooling (god hope its not the judge).

Second, does your county offer anything like a Parental Coordination Evaluation program?
I ask b/c your X sounds like she could be the twin sister to my husbands X, and finally after making enough noise, they were both ordered to go through this program. Granted they haven't actually completed it at this point, but suffice to say that 'mom' has truly shown her "true colors".

Lastly all I can say is do your best to keep your son out of the middle because once that catches up to mom, and it will, it's going to bite her where the sun don't shine! I'm sure you are intelligent enough to not show him court documents, etc. and your son said it in plain english... he does not want to choose, nor should he have too. So stick to the path you're on and don't let your X sucker you into playing her game... let her be the one to hang herself instead of you.

Also, is there any possibility of getting your son into counseling? It would probably be good for him especially since he's already stated in so many words that he feels like he's being put in the middle and forced to choose. Plus, chances are he will be a lot more honest with a complete stranger at this point, than he is with you or mom, simply because he feels uncomfortable and doesn't want to hurt either of you.

My best advice, just from personal experience, get a counselor for him ASAP. A counselor will know how to handle the situation, as well as how to get through to him so that he knows what he feels (uncomfortable, scared, angry) is normal and OK. She will also help him to develop ways to say those feelings to the both of you. For the most part that is what the PCE program above is doing for my husband and so far it has been a blessing, but as with all things in life, only time will tell.

Plus, a counselor will be able to see through moms "smoke cloud" of BS and don't be scared away if the first counselor doesn't work. My stepdaughters have actually been to three, which is good in a way because all three have agreed they have issues, one even put in writing that she feels the mother is simply trying to get people to ally against their father.

Lastly, it wouldn't hurt in the least bit to start documenting all these things if you haven't already. Every time you talk to mom, write it down. Every documents that comes across your table, make copies. You've probably found out by now that the courts, it agencies... can't be trusted as far as any one person can be thrown, so cover your own butt and don't even worry about the X... she's doing enough damage alone. Focus on your son, do right by him, and you can't go wrong. The courts may take her side now, but in the end, as long as you focus on HIM, you should be able to make them see the truth. The last thing they want is to deal with two bickering children, fighting over children, so show them who the adult is!

GOOD LUCK and please keep us posted.

[stuart showalter]

Thanks. We have nothing here but a GAL program. That is a no go. I just finished a custody appeal this weekend where the GAL stated in court that she didn't include information about the father's accommodations/situation if there wasn't something bad. She called mother's Section 8 neighborhood 'middle class' because "I felt it needed to be called middle class".

Specifically, I am wondering if anyone in this situation has gotten an attorney appointed to represent their child.

Per our current court order Therin may not be taken to counseling by me without her consent. I would have to ask for a court order.

I think her motivations and actions will be obvious. I have been forced into exposing the pleadings and proof of her actions to Therin because of her telling him I am a liar. It is important, especially at this uncertain time, that he have a sense of stability and maintaining trust in me is an important part of that.

I have 100's of emails saved and years of calendar entries detailing my activities on a daily basis. I am filing another Motion for RTSC against her today. That and the letter she had my son write can be viewed here- http://www.boonecountyfathers.org/rtsc0808.html
I think the letter to the school is going to be very damaging.

[Dee]

Sorry to ask, but what is GAL? I've heard it a few times from other people too, but am not certain what it's referring to. Are you referring to a guardian ad latum?

I know of a couple people who were able to get a guardian ad latum, but I'm sorry that I do not know exactly where they are located, so I can't be of much help there.

Also, I know you mentioned having to ask mom permission to take your son to a counselor, but it would seem to me that it is worth asking about. I mean, she would either have to agree that it is in his best interests and let him go, or say no, which to me, makes it pretty obvious who and what she cares about.

I think I would set up a camera where he (your son) cannot see it and of course, don't tell him about it. Then just sit and have a normal conversation. Don't bring up anything bad about his mom, and mind your P's and Q's. That way you might actually get some honest to gods truth, without your son feeling like he is in the middle or choosing sides. At that point I would do whatever it took to make sure the judge in the case seen it, and anyone else who is involved.

Other than that I wish I had some concrete advice to give, but you know as well as I do that when it comes down to the courts, it's a flip of a coin and it's always uncertain which way it will go.

I will keep my eyes open though for anything which may help you as I do spend quite a lot of time on-line. If I should find something I'll make sure to send it your way.

GOOD LUCK!

[stuart showalter]

Thank you again. I think I will look for a counselor and then send a letter to her asking to have him see this person. Likely a win, win. He can either get someone to unload to or she can lose custody.
I was speaking to a healthcare friend last night who is willing to help. I may have her talk to him and do the videotape. She can casually mention 'so I hear you are moving' and see where it goes.

[Dee]

Yes, anything is worth a shot!

GOOD LUCK!!

[stuart showalter]

Missed your first ?
GAL is a Guardian Ad Litem.
CASA is Court Appointed Special Advocate.
Their primary duty, by statute, is to advocate for the best interest of th children.
Here is a good piece to read about court appointed Mental Health Professionals.
http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/child-custody-evaluations.html

[Kenneth Maddox]

These people have got to be stopped. That letter was obv. written by and adult absolving herself of any wrong doing. I hope everything goes well with your next court date but, I am beginning to realize no court anywhere is going to prevent Parental Alienation. There are laws against murder, hows that going? I don't know what the solution is. I'm losing faith.

[stuart showalter]

Thanks Kenneth. My boy is very articulate but I think still at the level of saying 'moving' as opposed to 'relocating'. His vocabulary was much stronger when he lived with me. She is such a simpleton though that she speaks in definitions rather than words. Interestingly, the letter speaks of him skipping grade 1 but says nothing of me having custody until age 5 and me being the one who taught him. It says that we play games and have fun but doesn't mention studying algebra, physics, languages (English, Japanese, German), economics, the brain, Philosophy and etc.
I have always said the courts operate from 8-4 but the streets function 24/7. Thus, 'protective orders' do nothing to protect. I have 36 layer Kevlar body armor which I am confident will be more effective at stopping a bullet than a 5 page protective order.
I know we can see that he is being manipulated, I just hope the judge does. I am still filing a motion to strike the pleading and exhibit and will seek to enter it as evidence against her later.
Going pro se can be a mistake if you are not a logician, which she is not.
I am wondering if I can have one of my cop buddies interview him. It can't b investigated as a crime since the pleading and exhibit were not verified and thus it is not a crime. Possibly investigate as child abuse except that Indiana is a physical abuse only state.
If anyone has suggestions on how to get the police involved in a mental abuse case please let me know.

[stuart showalter]

I spoke with a Mental Health Professional (MHP) who has known about my divorce and known my son and I for years. I showed to her the letter that my son purportedly wrote and she said "The judge is going to be furious". Also, that it is obvious that my son was told to write it; that it is absolutely wrong to bring him into this that way; that no on need testify about it, that it speaks for itself; and that it is very likely that I will get custody.
I also spoke with the school superintendent again and he said although I may not legally enroll Therin in school here that he will make sure that Therin is kept in the system and w can easily do placement if I get an order on the 8th that he is to be enrolled here.
Everyone that has seen the letter has been dismayed and upset by it.

[stuart showalter]

in custody the court can listen to the wishes of the child with more weight be given to children age 14 and older. a child may petition for emancipation upon a showing that he can support himself, otherwise age 18

[Dale Illig]

Though I have no constructive suggestions, I can relate. My sons mother is threatening to move to W. Va and I am an Ohioan. This will be the second time she has relocated in five years. The first time was in 2004 and I had shared custody. I'm just as lost as you. My rights as a parent have been violated for the last eight years.

Like others I also can see from the wording of the document from Therin that the wording is that of an adult. I have to agree with Kenneth Maddox comment and I have lost faith in this system. It's a self-perpetuating money making machine that kills childrens bonds with the non-custodial parent.

I wish you the best of luck, but until this system is cleansed of thieves I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

[stuart showalter]

Dale-Thanks for the support. If you need any case law on relocation just LMK. Mine is mostly Indiana but it will give some ideas and phrases to search for in Ohio case law. Cheers-Stu